|
|
 |
Saturday
March 20, 2010 Since 1922 |
Exercising plan for the aging
By Jim Finley
Contributor Published October 16, 2009 In what little spare time she has, Lois Hofmann takes a minute or two each week to read this column. I’m not sure what motivates her to do that, particularly if she’s looking for quality reading material.
Whatever her reasons, I’m glad she does read my ramblings. I need all the readership I can get.
It’s important to note that I owe the Hofmann family bigtime. Lois’ husband, Dr. Jim, delivered three of my grandchildren, Katie, Reid, and Devin. They all emerged healthy and grew up looking like me, so they’re all beautiful young people (see column picture).
A while back, Lois sent me an exercise routine designed for senior citizens. I appreciated her efforts, but wondered why she sent it to me. I’m not a senior citizen. I’m not elderly (I hate that word).
Just in case – unlike me – you are old, I thought I would, in the name of good health, share Lois’ routine with you. But I beg you, if you try this, please, please have another adult standing by in case of emergency.
Here’s what she suggested:
“Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
“With a 5-pound potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
“After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags.
“Then try 50-pound bags and then eventually try to get where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute.
“After you feel confident at that level, PUT A POTATO in each bag.”
Oh, I get it. That’s cute, Lois.
I’ll have to admit the first time I read this she had me going. I’ll also admit that I thought to myself, no way could I lift a 100-pound potato sack (a 75-pounder, yes, but not a 100).
There’s a reason Lois had me believing this was legit. It goes back to my junior high days in the old homeplace. And I swear by your United States Secretary of Education, whoever that is, the following is no joke.
Because I fell into bad company and was led astray by my peers in those years, I sometime misbehaved in class. This is probably hard for you to believe, but it’s true.
In about the eighth grade, I had a teacher named John Maples. Now, then, Mr. Maples was hardly an imposing man, size-wise, and he looked anything but tough. But he dished out the roughest punishment of my entire career as a youthful scallywag/scholar.
If you did something wrong (same as stupid), he’d bring you to the front of the class, stand you there for all to see, and make you hold a thick, hard-cover dictionary in each outstretched arm. Sometimes for 10 or more minutes.
Those suckers must’ve weighed four pounds apiece. By about the five-minute mark, your arms were beginning to scream.
“T-Bone [that’s me], you’re an idiot!” my arms would cry. “Just keep your mouth shut, OK?”
On occasion, depending on our “crime,” Mr. Maples would make us hold TWO dictionaries in each arm. “Noooooo!” we’d wail. “Give us 10 licks with the paddle instead!”
But Mr. Maples knew what he was doing. Like if he caught you chewing gum, you held those dictionaries while you actually CHEWED on a piece of notebook paper.
Since I’m no longer in school, I think schools everywhere should adopt this punishment today. (Yeah, right!)
Thusly, if you really want to be healthy and are willing to risk a heart attack, after completing Lois’ potato sack exercise, try the same thing with a couple of hard-cover dictionaries.
Jim Finley is a retired managing
editor for The Baytown Sun.
Contributor Published October 16, 2009 In what little spare time she has, Lois Hofmann takes a minute or two each week to read this column. I’m not sure what motivates her to do that, particularly if she’s looking for quality reading material.
Whatever her reasons, I’m glad she does read my ramblings. I need all the readership I can get.
It’s important to note that I owe the Hofmann family bigtime. Lois’ husband, Dr. Jim, delivered three of my grandchildren, Katie, Reid, and Devin. They all emerged healthy and grew up looking like me, so they’re all beautiful young people (see column picture).
A while back, Lois sent me an exercise routine designed for senior citizens. I appreciated her efforts, but wondered why she sent it to me. I’m not a senior citizen. I’m not elderly (I hate that word).
Just in case – unlike me – you are old, I thought I would, in the name of good health, share Lois’ routine with you. But I beg you, if you try this, please, please have another adult standing by in case of emergency.
Here’s what she suggested:
“Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
“With a 5-pound potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
“After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags.
“Then try 50-pound bags and then eventually try to get where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute.
“After you feel confident at that level, PUT A POTATO in each bag.”
Oh, I get it. That’s cute, Lois.
I’ll have to admit the first time I read this she had me going. I’ll also admit that I thought to myself, no way could I lift a 100-pound potato sack (a 75-pounder, yes, but not a 100).
There’s a reason Lois had me believing this was legit. It goes back to my junior high days in the old homeplace. And I swear by your United States Secretary of Education, whoever that is, the following is no joke.
Because I fell into bad company and was led astray by my peers in those years, I sometime misbehaved in class. This is probably hard for you to believe, but it’s true.
In about the eighth grade, I had a teacher named John Maples. Now, then, Mr. Maples was hardly an imposing man, size-wise, and he looked anything but tough. But he dished out the roughest punishment of my entire career as a youthful scallywag/scholar.
If you did something wrong (same as stupid), he’d bring you to the front of the class, stand you there for all to see, and make you hold a thick, hard-cover dictionary in each outstretched arm. Sometimes for 10 or more minutes.
Those suckers must’ve weighed four pounds apiece. By about the five-minute mark, your arms were beginning to scream.
“T-Bone [that’s me], you’re an idiot!” my arms would cry. “Just keep your mouth shut, OK?”
On occasion, depending on our “crime,” Mr. Maples would make us hold TWO dictionaries in each arm. “Noooooo!” we’d wail. “Give us 10 licks with the paddle instead!”
But Mr. Maples knew what he was doing. Like if he caught you chewing gum, you held those dictionaries while you actually CHEWED on a piece of notebook paper.
Since I’m no longer in school, I think schools everywhere should adopt this punishment today. (Yeah, right!)
Thusly, if you really want to be healthy and are willing to risk a heart attack, after completing Lois’ potato sack exercise, try the same thing with a couple of hard-cover dictionaries.
Jim Finley is a retired managing
editor for The Baytown Sun.