Here are my predictions based on the biggest name for each of the 32 teams and in under 10 words each.
If I say too much I’ll just make myself look even worse.
1. Texans – Offensive line: Don’t do the job = Watson on crutches. 2. Titans – Derrick Henry: Is he going to become legitimized? 3. Colts – Andrew Luck: Did he retire with his boys ready to win without him? 4. Jaguars – Jalen Ramsey: Time to gag him.
1. Patriots – Tom Brady: Older, like wine, is he better? 2. Bills – Frank Gore – talk about old? Lead back? Nah. 3. Jets – Brian Winters: Anyone else but Le’Veon Bell. 4. Dolphins – Adam Gase: Those eyes! OMG those eyes!
1. Steelers – Joe Haden: How good is this defense? 2. Browns – Odell Beckham Jr.; Once a drama queen, he will be a problem. 3. Ravens – Lamar Jackson: Next Vick, nicer kid, horrible accuracy. 4. Bengals – Marvin Lewis: Did they find someone who can win a playoff game?
1. Chiefs – Patrick Mahomes: Fraud or legend? Got lucky with weapons galore. 2. Chargers – Melvin Ingram III: Will they ever stop a great offense? 3. Raiders – Jon Gruden: Can he win without HBO cameras around? 4. Broncos – Jon Elway: Time to go?
Wild card teams: Chargers and Browns.
AFC Champion: Steelers
1. Cowboys – Zeke Elliott: Is he out of his own head? 2. Eagles – Carson Wentz: If his team likes him, they are big threat. 3. Giants – Eli Manning. Should have retired after he got lucky with second ring. 4. Redskins – Derrius Guice: A top running attack won’t be enough.
1. Vikings – Mike Zimmer: Respected defensive coach recaptures magic. 2. Bears – Tarik Cohen: Talented kid on team ready to dip vs. tougher schedule. 3. Packers – Aaron Rodgers: Is he about to get another coach canned? 4. Lions – Matt Patricia: Coach tells anyone else about manners and professionalism? Please.
1. Saints – Kiko Alonso: Can he lead best D for franchise this decade? 2. Falcons: Matt Ryan – one Super Bowl run isn’t enough for him; 3. Panthers – Christian McCafferty: Will become face of franchise. 4. Bucs – Arians/Winston: Not going to happen. Coach sends Mr. Publix bye bye.
1. Rams – Jared Goff: Is he an elite or a product of coaching genius? 2. Seahawks: Jadeveon Clowney: Um, should he even be there? Elite D again; 3. 49ers - Jimmy G: If back from injury could scare someone. 4. Cardinals: Kyler Murray: Makes noise, team will still be horrible.
Wild card teams: Seahawks and Eagles
NFC Champion: Saints
Super Bowl Champs: Saints
Alan Dale is the sports editor of the Baytown Sun. He can be reached at email@example.com