Is this a plot instigated by one or more of our neighbors? Or ALL of our neighbors? If so, that would be terribly hurtful.
Could it be a move by the City of Baytown to get rid of me once and for all? Hey, Mayor Brandon Capetillo, I like you, man.
Wait. Could it be the same people who put together, and were in charge of, the Iowa Democratic Primary? Are they mistaking me for someone else?
Here’s my problem. We repeatedly get mail – and some phone calls – from humanoids wanting to buy our house on the northern side of Saint Andrews Drive, best known as the highly religious neighborhood we’ve lived in for 18-plus years.
STOP IT! Our fashionable chateau is NOT FOR SALE.
Still, the offers keep coming.
I don’t know.
“I’m interested in buying your house,” the card, which I’m assuming was legally mailed, begins. “I can pay you CASH for your house, AS IS. You don’t have to repair it or even clean it up.”
And it goes on.
I’ve received this same card, word-for-word, more than once.
When I see it over and over, I’m tempted to sell. We could get cash money, Wife Margie wouldn’t have to clean up my many messes, and we’d be outta here.
With our new money, we could move to Fayetteville, Ark., get an apartment, and watch the Razorbacks play from here to eternity. Now there’s an enticing thought.
But we’re not going anywhere. I see you out there cheering. Thanks.
I’m puzzled, however. The cards from this one company and others continue to invade our personal mailbox.
I’m sure the phone calls do, too. As I’ve said before, however, if I don’t recognize the number, I don’t answer.
But the other day I got an unanswered call and a man left a message. “I want to buy your house …” I hung up.
In case you’re interested, and I’m sure you are, our current abode is Finley House No. 9. In our beautiful 59 years of marriage (Wife Margie is a lucky woman), we’ve lived in two houses in the old homeplace, one in Freeport, two in Bay City, one in Van Vleck, one in Victoria, and two right here in Channel City.
When we first married, we paid a whopping $35 a month for a rent house in Sweeny. Then daughter Robin was born. Even though it was a one-bedroom house, it was still big enough for us to move around in. (Barely.)
But then son Scott came along. We had to move.
No big deal.
The two-bedroom house directly behind us became available, and though the rent soared to like $45 a month, we took it.
And get this. Since it was right behind us, we moved everything we owned, which wasn’t much, by hand across our backyard.
It would’ve been silly to rent a large van from Mayflower to move our meager belongings 35 yards. Good thinking, huh?
Anyway, after a semi-successful newspaper career got underway, we ended up in Baytown almost 51 years ago. We bought a house on Harold Lane, which is less religious but more manly than our current neighborhood along Saint Andrews. And it was super-convenient to The Baytown Sun.
We stayed there 32 years before moving to Saint Andrews, where we were warmly accepted by roughly 20 percent of our neighbors, give or take.
(NON-EDITOR’S NOTE: Recently we ran into Tom and Gayle Boisture, our former next-door neighbors, at El Toro. We had a great visit, but we still don’t know if the Boistures moved away because we moved in by them.)
The move to Saint Andrews would’ve been an even happier memory, but it came at the same time the horror of 9-11 occurred. So, while we were excited about our new home, it was tempered by the loss of life caused by idiot terrorists in three parts of our country.
Still, we have enjoyed our stay here.
So, please, no more offers on our house.
Jim Finley is a retired managing editor of The Sun. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, Attention: Jim Finley.